Developing emotional intelligence in the workplace isn’t easy — and that’s exactly why so many people struggle with it.
Some people think their personal flaws are set in stone. Others don’t know what emotional intelligence is or that it’s something that can be developed.
And that’s a problem because emotional intelligence is a major indicator of job performance.
For almost 30 years, The Metiss Group has partnered with entrepreneurs to help develop their leaders. In this article, we’ll unpack the common challenges businesses and their employees face when prioritizing EQ development.
Whether you're enhancing your own emotional intelligence or helping your direct reports grow, this guide will help you understand how to approach EQ development with more clarity.
1. EQ development requires self-awareness
Picture this: you meet someone who instantly puts you off. They’re abrasive and offensive. They might even call out their behavior and say, “This is just how I am. I tell it how it is.”
Many people don’t develop their emotional intelligence because they believe their faults are simply who they are. They think it’s in their blood. They lack the self-awareness to understand that things like empathy and impulse control are skills to be developed.
Even more often, people aren’t aware of how their behaviors impact and offend others. “I didn’t intend to offend them,” they think, “so why are they so angry?”
That’s why emotional intelligence development requires self-awareness, so you can take responsibility for which traits you’ll need to develop.
2. Most tools that measure EQ have flaws
Once you understand that EQ can (and should) be developed, the next step is to assess yourself. This step defines the categories of EQ in which you should improve.
But this presents another challenge with developing emotional intelligence: many of the tools out there to measure EQ are pretty weak.
These tools are often self-reported, which means you’ll bring your personal biases to the table. For example, say you’re surrounded by people just like you every day. You may think you’re great at feeling empathetic toward others, but someone from a different demographic might disagree.
Another challenge with these tools is they typically use a Likert-based scale. This means the questions ask you to answer on a scale of 1-5 how much you agree with that statement. Here’s an example question:
“On a scale of 1-5, how well can you identify the emotions you are feeling?”
The problem with a Lickert-based scale is its simplicity makes it easier to game. If you want to rank high in emotional self-expression, you’ll answer a 5 in that example question. It often prioritizes ease over sophistication, which can make it draw inaccurate conclusions.
At The Metiss Group, we recommend an EQ 360 assessment to overcome these gaps. It removes personal biases by collecting feedback from a variety of sources, including supervisors, peers, direct reports, clients, friends, and family. It still uses a Likert-based scale, however, its sophistication makes it much more difficult to game. It asks enough questions of similar EQ traits that allow it to look for discrepancies between answers.
3. EQ development is personal
Another challenge with EQ development is that it’s personal. It requires vulnerability.
It’s difficult enough to learn a hard skill. Think back to the last skill you learned and how often you wanted to give up. For example, if you tried to learn tennis for the first time, you’d probably feel a lot of frustration every time you missed the ball.
But at least you could blame that on external factors: The grip on your racket was slippery, the weather was bad, your partner is horrible at serving… you get the idea.
But with emotional intelligence, it gets personal. It’s admitting that you’re not a perfect human being. It’s looking in the mirror and realizing the soft skills you need to develop.
It takes a lot of self-esteem to even begin exploring that.
4. Many people misunderstand EQ
A lot of people think emotional intelligence is defined as their interpersonal skills. So when they have a conflict with someone, they think, “That person must have horrible interpersonal skills.”
But Interpersonal Relationships is just one of 15 types of emotional intelligence. Some people are surprised to see skills like Flexibility, Optimism, and Independence under the umbrella of Emotional Intelligence.
Understanding EQ is more than studying the 15 different types – it’s also understanding how they affect one another. It’s important to keep various traits in balance.
Imagine a person looks at the 15 types of emotional intelligence and decides to develop their assertiveness. They ignore everything else and only focus on becoming more assertive.
But because they lack empathy, they don’t understand when they’re talking to an introvert who would rather die than engage in an assertive discussion.
These misunderstandings cause many challenges when developing EQ. And if you don’t understand how to prioritize your EQ development, you can spend a lot of time moving in the wrong direction.
5. EQ development is a marathon, not a sprint
The final challenge with developing emotional intelligence is that it takes time and effort.
You can’t just read a book and become an expert in EQ. You should think of EQ development through the 70-20-10 learning model:
Spend 10% of your development with structured learning methods, such as books or webinars
Spend 70% of your development practicing emotional intelligence in the real world
Spend 20% of your development working with an EQ coach or asking for feedback from your peers
And that journey isn’t linear – often after receiving feedback, you’ll go back to the real-world application to try out new strategies.
And like training for a marathon, you may want to consider having a coach guide you through the process. Without understanding which practices need development, how you can develop those traits, and which traits to keep in balance, you can end up putting a lot of effort into something that doesn’t work.
The bottom line about challenges with developing emotional intelligence in the workplace
Developing emotional intelligence isn’t straightforward – it requires self-awareness, assessment, vulnerability, time, and more.
Many people struggle with EQ because they believe their personality is fixed. Others don’t understand the full scope of EQ, or they use flawed tools to measure it.
Without addressing these challenges, businesses and their employees risk missing out on a key driver of personal development.
At The Metiss Group, we help leaders and their direct reports learn practical ways to develop their EQ through The Emotional Intelligence Journey™ program. Now that you understand the challenges with developing emotional intelligence in the workplace, it’s time to learn how to overcome these challenges by using a 360 assessment when developing emotional intelligence.